Securing Our Community... Strengthening Our Commitment 34TH ANNUAL CRIME PREVENTION GUIDE FAMI LY VIOLENCE AWARENESS
newdock.nf.ca Proud to support the RNCA’S Annual Crime Prevention Guide, focusing on “Family Violence”
1 www.rnca.ca
2 www.rnca.ca
3 www.rnca.ca
4 www.rnca.ca 87 WATER STREET P.O. BOX 5787 ST. JOHN’S, NL A1C 5X3 (709) 726-1680 HARVEY’S HOME HEATING Web:harveyshomeheating.com EMAIL: twhittle@cgicanada.ca
5 www.rnca.ca Thank you to the residents and businesses of Newfoundland and Labrador for supporting our 34th Annual RNCAssociation Crime Prevention Guide! Over the past 30 years, the generous support from citizens and businesses in our community has helped us to deliver valuable public safety information to the people of Newfoundland and Labrador. This year’s community guide focuses on “Family Violence Awareness” as a “Family Violence Awareness Handbook” to help educate and promote the public’s role in identifying and reporting potential Child and Spousal Abuse. We are proud to support community programs including the Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador a portion of the proceeds from our community guide. We hope that you find value in the information contained within this community guide and use it as a resource to start a conversation with your loved ones. On behalf of the Royal Newfoundland ConstabularyAssociation Executive Board and its membership, thank you again for your support! Sincerely, Mike Summers President RNC Association “Supporting our Community…Strengthening our Commitment” PRESIDENT’S m e s s a g e
6 www.rnca.ca 738
7 www.rnca.ca 34th Annual Community Guide Family Violence AWARENESS RNCA Messages Family Violence Awareness Message from the Premier . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 1 Message from the NL Minister of Justice and Public Safety . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 3 Message from the RNCA President . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 5 RNCA Executive Board . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 9 Publisher’s Message . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 11 RNCA supports Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador (THANL) . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 13 What is Family Violence? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 Warning Signs of Abuse . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 27 The Cycle of Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 31 Are You Missing the Signs of Gaslighting? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 Tips to Help Support Individuals Experiencing Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 41 How to Help a Child Experiencing Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 45 How to Help Someone Who is Violent . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 49 Tips for Youth to Stop Violence . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 53 Safety Planning . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 57 The Impact of Family Violence on Children . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 65 Healthy Relationships . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 71 Family Violence Laws . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 73 Family Violence Statistics In Canada . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 77 Myths and Facts about Violence Against Women . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 83 Where to Get Help . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 89 RNCA News & Photo Album Newfoundland and Labrador Police and Peace Officers' Memorial Ceremony . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 97 Detective Sgt. Thomas Fraize Scholarship . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 99 William Moss Softball Tournament . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 101 In The Community - Corner Brook Detachment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 103 In The Community - Labrador Detachment . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 107 ADVERTISERS’ INDEX . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 110 Need Help But Don’t KnowWhere To Start? Contact ‘211’ . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 112
8 www.rnca.ca Proud Sponsors of the RNC Association 34th Annual Community Guide, Family Violence Awarness. MDI Contracting is a locally owned & operated multi-service commerical diving company with its base on the Avalon Peninsula, Newfoundland & Labrador, Canada. Aboriginal Cleaners 11 Loring Drive Happy Valley-Goose Bay, NL A0P 1C0 Shawn Burden Owner/Operator Phone: (709) 893-3503 Fax: (709)896-2764
9 www.rnca.ca EXECUTIVE BOARD “Supporting our Community…Strengthening our Commitment” Family Violence Awareness Staff Sergeant Mike Summers President Cst. Michael Hunt 1st Vice President Cst. Shane McClafferty 2nd Vice President Cst. Eric Learning Treasurer Sgt. Scott Harris Secretary Sgt. Andrew Wright Director, NCO Cst. Talia Soper Director, Support Services Cst. Colin Rowe Director, Labrador Cst. Andrew Smith Director, Corner Brook Cst. Chris Smith Director, CID Cst. Vanessa Babstock Director, Platoon A Cst. Brittany Hierlihy Director, Platoon B Cst. Michael Hoddinott Director, Platoon C Cst. Zachary Pomeroy Director, Platoon D
10 www.rnca.ca SHAWN DOWLING Profit Center Manager 18 Bruce Street Mount Pearl, NL A1N 4R4 sdowling@emcoltd.com www.emcowaterworks.com P: (709) 747-2626 F: (709) 747-2623 TF: (800) 563-9667 2A Bank Road, PO Box 471 Grand Falls-Windsor, NL A2A 2J9 (709) 489-7755 Fax: (709) 489-8646 blair@blairjewer.ca blairjewerca.com Proud to support the RNCA Blair J. Jewer CHARTERED PROFESSIONAL ACCOUNTANT IBEW Local 2330 P.O. Box 159 160 Holyrood Access Road, NL A0A 2R0 Phone: 709-895-3764 Fax: 709-895-7482 www.ibew.nf.ca
11 www.rnca.ca On behalf of the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association, I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely thank each and every advertiser and sponsor of our Annual Telephone Appeal, allowing this unique publication to be distributed throughout the community, to schools, libraries and public facilities and also available online at www.rnca.ca, making it easily accessible to everyone. The RNCA publishes an Annual Crime Prevention Guide to educate the public on important community concerns. This 34th Annual Crime Prevention Handbook focuses on Family Violence Awareness and designed to help educate and promote the public’s role in identifying and reporting potential Child and Spousal Abuse. A serious concern for all Newfoundlanders and Labradorians! This publication is made possible as a result of financial support from residents and business representatives throughout the province. With their generous support for the activities of the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association, the RNCA is also able to give back to their communities through donations to various local charities and programs for youth, including a special donation this year to Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador (THANL). We welcome comments or suggestions regarding these publications and always look forward to speaking with you each year during our Annual Telephone Appeal. Respectfully, Mark T. Fenety President Fenety Marketing Services PUBLISHER’S MESSAGE “Providing quality, professional marketing and fundraising services on behalf of high-profile, non-profit organizations.” WWW.FENETY.COM
12 www.rnca.ca 2 locations to serve you better!! Corner Brook Office: 709-634-2338 8 Tipping Place, Corner Brook, NLA2H 3Y3 Deer Lake Office: 709-635-1100 2 Wellon Drive, Deer Lake, NLA8A 2G5 • Light and MediumTowing • Wheel Lift Towing • Local And Long Distance • 24 Hour Service • Emergency Road Service • Truck Boosting • Truck Towing • RV Towing • Lockout Service • Car Boosting
13 www.rnca.ca Since 1987, THANL has provided member organizations with guidance, training, research and community awareness initiatives. THANL is a strong collective voice in equalityseeking work in the Province of Newfoundland and Labrador. We lobby for the financial support needed to operate and establish new transition houses, participate in antiviolence activities in the province and offer regular networking opportunities to staff and management. Because of the criminal, social and cyclical nature of violence against women, THANL believes that all levels of government and society must share in the responsibility to eliminate violence. We are committed to equalityseeking work in partnership with the all those interested in working to eliminate violence in our Province and around the world. Proceeds from our 34th Annual Crime Prevention Guide on Family Violence have allowed the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association to make a donation to Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador (THANL). RNCA donates to Transition House Association of Newfoundland and Labrador (THANL) Cheque presentation to The Transition House Association Newfoundland and Labrador . Left – RNCA President, Mike Summers Middle – Provincial Coordinator, Transition House of NL & Lab, Dan Meades Right – RNCA Treasurer, Eric Learning
14 www.rnca.ca 11 Cartwright Plaza Grand Falls-Windsor, NL A2A 1L7 (709) 489-5566 Proud to support the RNCA A-1289 Kenmount Rd., Paradise, NL A1L 0V8 (709) 237-8373 www.cdnrg.com Proud to support The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association 96 Clyde Ave., Suite 101 Donovans Industrial Park Mount Pearl, NL A1N 4S2 T: 709-745-8884 F: 709-745-8288 www.nuquest.com 12 Smallwood Crescent Marystown, NL A0E 2M0 (709) 279-3643 smallwoodexecutivedirector@eastlink.ca
15 www.rnca.ca What is FamilyViolence? continued Designed by Freepik Family violence is when someone uses abusive behaviour to control and/or harm a member of their family, or someone with whom they have an intimate relationship. Family violence includes many different forms of physical and emotional abuse, as well as neglect carried out by family members or intimate partners. It may include a single act of violence, or a number of acts that form a pattern of abuse. Family violence can have seriousand sometimes fatalconsequences for victims and for those who see or hear the violence. Although the Criminal Code does not refer to specific "family violence offences", many Criminal Code offences could be used to charge someone with acts of family violence. For more information on the criminal laws that could be applied, please see family violence Laws. Forms and types of violence There are many forms of violence, including physical, sexual, emotional and financial abuse. The different forms of abuse can also occur in a range of relationships and contexts. Some examples of various types of family violence are intimate partner violence, child abuse and neglect, elder abuse, violence based on socalled "honour" and forced marriage. Forms of violence Family violence is not just physical violence. A person can be the victim of one or more forms of violence or abuse including: • Physical abuse • Sexual abuse • Emotional abuse • Financial abuse • Neglect • Physical abuse
16 www.rnca.ca
17 www.rnca.ca What is family violence? continued continued Physical Abuse Physical abuse, including assault, is the intentional use of force against a person without that person's consent. It can cause physical pain or injury that may last a long time. Physical abuse includes: • pushing or shoving • hitting, slapping or kicking • pinching or punching • strangling or choking • stabbing or cutting • shooting • throwing objects at someone • burning • holding someone down for someone else to assault • locking someone in a room or tying them down • killing someone All of these acts are crimes in Canada. Sexual Abuse Sexual abuse of an adult can include: • sexual touching or sexual activity without consent • continued sexual contact when asked to stop • forcing someone to commit unsafe or humiliating sexual acts All sexual contact with anyone without consent is a crime. This includes sexual touching or forcing sexual activity on a spouse, a common law partner or a dating partner. Even when married, a spouse cannot be forced to have sexual contact. There are also special laws to protect children from sexual abuse and from sexual activities that exploit them. Emotional abuse Emotional abuse happens when a person uses words or actions to control, frighten or isolate someone or take away their selfrespect. Emotional abuse is sometimes called psychological abuse. It can include: • threats, put downs, name calling or insults • constant yelling or criticism • controlling or keeping someone from seeing friends or family • making fun or preventing someone from practicing their faith or religion • destroying belongings, hurting pets or threatening to do so • bullying: intimidation or humiliation (including on the Internet) Many forms of emotional abuse are not crimes but can be signs that the abuse might get worse. Some forms are crimes such as: • threats to harm the person or someone else • criminal harassment (stalking) which involves following or repeatedly contacting a person when they don't want contact and they are afraid. Financial Abuse Financial abuse happens when someone uses money or property to control or exploit someone else. It can involve: • taking someone's money or property without permission • withholding or limiting money to control someone • pressuring someone to sign documents • forcing someone to sell things or change a will
18 www.rnca.ca
19 www.rnca.ca continued What is family violence? continued Most forms of financial abuse are crimes, including theft and fraud. Neglect Neglect happens when a family member, who has a duty to care for you, fails to provide you with your basic needs. This can involve: • not providing proper food or warm clothing • failing to provide adequate health care, medication and personal hygiene (if needed) • failing to prevent physical harm • failing to ensure proper supervision (if needed) Spouses and commonlaw partners have a duty to care for each other. Adults have a duty to care for their dependent children as well as their dependent parents. Some forms of neglect are crimes in Canada, including failure to provide the necessities of life and child abandonment. If a child is neglected, child protection authorities could intervene and remove the child from his or her parents. Types of family violence • Intimate partner violence • Child abuse and neglect • Elder abuse • Violence based on socalled "honour" • Forced marriage • Female genital mutilation Intimate partner violence Intimate partner violence is violence or abuse that happens: • within a marriage, commonlaw or dating relationship • in an oppositesex or samesex relationship • at any time during a relationship, including while it is breaking down, or after it has ended Not all intimate partner violence is the same. In some cases, one person may want power and complete control over their partner and will use different ways (including physical violence) to get it. For example, they try to control things such as: • what that other person can wear • when and where that person can go out • who that person spends time with • when that person can talk to family and friends • what that person can spend money on • whether that person can work or take classes • all aspects of that person's sexual activity This type of abuse almost always gets worse over time. It often leads to serious physical violence and can cause you to have lasting health problems, including posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD). In other cases, both partners may abuse each other. Conflict happens in every relationship, but there are healthy ways to solve problems. Sometimes people use violence instead of solving their problems peacefully. It can be hard to break the pattern of abuse, but it is possible.
20 www.rnca.ca We Care About The Future Of Our Youth! Director: mcarroll@qalipu.ca For More Info On Our Programs. Call Or Visit www.qalipu.ca Box 460, St. Georges, NL (709) 647-3096
21 www.rnca.ca continued What is family violence? continued Child abuse and neglect Child abuse includes physical, sexual and emotional abuse. It also includes neglect, and any violence that children see or hear in their families. The person who abuses the child can be: • a parent • a brother or sister • another relative • a caregiver • a guardian • a teacher • another professional or volunteer who works with children (for example, a doctor or coach) Abuse may take place in a child's home, or it may happen in other places, like other people's homes, schools, community centres or places of worship. Laws to protect children There are federal, provincial and territorial laws to protect children from abuse in the home. Some types of abuse are crimes and are listed in the Criminal Code which is a federal law that applies across Canada. Even if the abuse is not a crime under the Criminal Code, provincial and territorial child protection laws could be used to stop the abuse. There are also special laws to protect children from sexual abuse and from sexual activities that exploit them. Child sexual abuse happens when a person takes advantage of a child for sexual purposes. Sexual abuse of a child includes: • any sexual contact between an adult and a child under 16 years of age • any sexual contact with a child between the age of 16 and 18 without consent • any sexual contact that exploits a child under 18 Any sexual contact between an adult and a child under 16 is a crime. In Canada, the age of consent for sexual activity is 16, but there are some exceptions if the other person is close in age to the child. In addition, children under 18 cannot legally give their consent to sexual activity that exploits them. Sexual activities that exploit a child include prostitution and pornography. They also include situations where someone in a position of authority or trust, or someone the child depends on, has any kind of sexual activity with the child. A person of authority or trust could be a parent, stepparent, grandparent, older sibling, teacher or coach. If a child is sexually abused at home, child protection services could intervene and remove the child from his or her parents. Designed by Freepik
22 www.rnca.ca (709) 454-8394 reservations@grenfellheritagehotel.ca www.grenfellheritagehotel.ca Specializing in: • Fencing • Retaining Walls • Landscaping • Snow Clearing • Basement Repair • Residential & Commercial • Free Estimates Humber Ford is a Proud Sponsor of the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association Port Aux Basques • Forteau 709 695 2712 709 931 2048 www.HumberFord.com 45 Confederation Drive Corner Brook, NL A2H 0A6 1-888-445-5555 Corner Brook • Stephenville 709 634 4371 709 643 8500 Proud to support The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association Edwin’s Point Lounge 240 Main St., St. George’s, NL A0N 1Z0 (709) 647-3577 Conne River Health & Social Services Miawpukek First Nation P.O. Box 160 Conne River, Micmac Territory, NL A0H 1J0 (709) 882-2710 Fax (709) 882-2889 Carol.anstey@remaxprofessionals.com
23 www.rnca.ca continued What is family violence? continued Child witnesses to family violence Children who witness family violence are at risk for both short and longterm harm. Even if they don't see or hear the violence, they can be affected by hearing or seeing the results of the violence. They can have emotional, behavioural and developmental problems. These problems can last a long time. They are also at risk of developing posttraumatic stress disorder. Exposing a child to family violence can be grounds for child protection intervention under provincial and territorial child protection laws. Elder abuse Elder abuse is any action, behaviour or failure to act, by a person in a position of trustlike an adult child, family member, friend or caregiverthat causes or risks causing harm to an older adult. Elder abuse includes: • physical, sexual or emotional harm • damage to or loss ofproperty or assets Elder abuse covers a whole range of behaviours including • hurtful comments • dominating or controlling an older adult's activities • isolating an older person from family, friends or regular activities • unduly pressuring older adults to sign legal documents that they do not fully understand • misusing a power of attorney • not providing appropriate medication or medical attention • any form of physical abuse Elder abuse may take place in the home, the community or in an institution. Violence based on socalled "honour" Violence based on socalled "honour" happens when family members use violence to protect the family's honour. The victim, who is usually female, has behaved in ways that the family believes will bring shame or dishonour. For example, the family might not approve of: • dating or talking to boys • having sexual relationships outside marriage • wearing what the parents believe is the wrong clothing • refusing a forced marriage The family members believe that using violence will restore the family's reputation. The types of violence the family uses can include: Designed by Freepik Designed by Freepik
24 www.rnca.ca The Town of Grand FallsWindsor is pleased to support the Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association in its campaign on “Family Violence Awareness”. www.napaautopro.com RCL BRANCH #40 320 Main Street Springdale, NL rclbr40@gmail.com 12pm - 12am 709-673-3661 Strengthen our business for today ... and tomorrow.
25 www.rnca.ca What is family violence? continued • beatings • threats • forced confinement • counselling suicide • killing These actions are all crimes, and crimes committed in the name of socalled "honour" are often planned in advance with other family or community members. This violence is not limited to any particular ethnic or religious community. Forced marriage Forced marriage happens when one or both people do not consent to the marriage. Forced marriage is not the same as arranged marriage, where people consent to the marriage. Family members sometimes use physical violence, abduction, forced confinement or emotional abuse to force the person into the marriage. Even if parents try to force their child to marry because they think it is good for the child, using threats or violence to do this is a crime. Children might also be the victims of forced marriages. Sometimes their families take them out of school to force them into marriages. This violence can occur in many ethnic or religious communities. Female genital mutilation Female genital mutilation is any procedure that injures or removes all or part of the external female genital organs for nonmedical reasons. It has no health benefits and it can cause pain and serious longterm health problems. Female genital mutilation of a child is a crime in Canada. Also, any person who helps mutilate a female child's genitals could be charged with a crime. This includes parents, doctors, or nurses. Even the person who asks someone else to do this to a child commits a crime. It is also against the law to take a child out of Canada to have this procedure done in another country. Female genital mutilation is child abuse and should be reported to the authorities. Impact on Canadians All members of society are affected by family violence. There can be long term impacts of violence on victims' physical and emotional health that can result in their inability to work, loss of wages, lack of participation in regular activities and limited ability to care for themselves and their children. Children may suffer longterm emotional, behavioural and developmental problems that can even lead them to be violent later in life. The financial consequences and the effects stretch far beyond to the victim's family, friends, and communities. There are also social costs. A considerable amount of Canadian resources are directed to address this issue including health care costs, costs to the justice system, to employers and businesses, and to social and community services. www.justice.gc.ca
26 www.rnca.ca Making Youth’s Entrepreneurship Dreams a Reality Toll Free: 888-303-2232 P.O. Box 140 Fax: (709) 247-2630 Plum Point, NL www.nortip.ca A0K 4A0 Building Stronger Communities Serving: Gander, Carmanville and surrounding areas. 1-888-256-8585 www.staceysfuneralhome.ca 425 Topsail Rd., St. John’s, NL A1E 5N7 (709) 754-5323
27 www.rnca.ca continued Warning Signs of Abuse Designed by Freepik People affected by family violence may cope differently or show no signs. There are some common warning signs of abuse you can look for. If you know someone experiencing family violence, find out how to help them. Adults As victims of family violence, adults may: • withdraw from family and friends • stop going out or doing activities they used to enjoy • show a change in personality including mood swings • show signs of depression or anxiety • hint about abuse • talk about their partner's substance use or abuse and concerns about their children seeing it • have unexplained bruises or other injuries • not want to make even simple decisions without their partner • have limited access to money • begin to use or abuse drugs or alcohol as a way to cope Children As victims of family violence, children may: • often be left alone, hungry, dirty or not dressed for the weather • try to take on adult responsibilities like caring for siblings, doing household tasks or looking after a parent • act aggressively towards others • withdraw from others, lack energy or act passively • be extremely watchful or fearful of parents' reactions • have problems at school or with their grades • have unexplained bruises or other injuries • dress provocatively or inappropriately • know more about sex than is normal for their age • start smoking or using drugs or alcohol to cope • run away from home repeatedly
28 www.rnca.ca K.C. White Bay South Development Association 39 Academy Drive Pollard’s Point, NL A0K 4B0 Telephone: (709) 482-2236 Fax: (709) 482-2045 Serving the communities of: Hampden, Pollard’s Point, Sop’s Arm, Jackson’s Arm & Beaches Municipal Construction Ltd. P.O. Box 3008 Paradise, NL A1L 3W2 (709) 368-4618 Proud to support the RNCA
29 www.rnca.ca Warning signs of abuse continued Youth As victims of family violence, youth may: • have mood swings • change their style of clothing, makeup or hair • start hanging out with different people • skip or drop out of school, or have falling or failing grades • overreact to things that seem small or unimportant • seem to lose confidence in themselves • withdraw from friends or family • stop going out or doing activities they used to enjoy • have unexplained bruises or other injuries • start smoking or using drugs or alcohol to cope • run away from home repeatedly Older adults As victims of family violence, older adults may: • seem frightened, withdrawn or depressed • seem groggy all the time, possibly due to overmedicating • show signs of depression or anxiety • lose weight or seem too thin • wear dirty clothing or clothing not suitable for the season • not have their glasses, dentures, hearing or other assistive devices • have unexplained bruises, sores or other injuries • be isolated from others • have items missing from their homes • have someone cashing their pension cheques or withdrawing money from their bank accounts • have their medication taken from them Know your rights! Family violence is a crime. You have the right to: • be free and safe from violence • be treated with courtesy, compassion and respect • get information about their legal rights • press charges for criminal actions • have the maximum protection from abuse permitted by law including restraining or protection orders • get help from community resources www.alberta.ca
30 www.rnca.ca Celebrating over 45 years providing in-home nursing care and household support. A helping hand every once in awhile or 24/7 assistance. It’s care+ all the extra things we do that make a difference. Get to know us. RESIDENTIAL DEVELOPMENT NEW HOME CONSTRUCTION & SALES SINCE 1972 P.O. BOX 14125, CONCEPTION BAY SOUTH, NL A13 3J1 (709) 764-5856 www.waypointsnl.ca Old World Charm - New World Convenience Located next to Sheraton Hotel in beautiful downtown St. John’s www.CaptainsQuarter.ca (709) 576-7173 or (709) 576-7468 Fax: (709) 576-7183 Daily, Weekly, Monthly & Yearly Rates Available! e-mail: CaptainsQuarters@nl.rogers.com Stagg & Templeman PO Box 309, 16 Second Avenue, Wabush, NL A0R 1B0 Phone: 709-282-3553 Fax: 709-282-5553 Email: mike.stagg@timbrmart.ca Mike Stagg Owner/Operator 74 O’Leary Ave., St. John’s NL 709.895.8063 westernpetroleum.ca David Bradshaw, B.Comm Managing Director JMJ Holdings Ltd. Building Futures Office (709) 726-7250 Mobile (709) 687-4869 Fax (709) 726-7263 Email dave@jmjholdings.ca 1243 Kenmount Road, Suite 202, Paradise, NL A1L 0V8
31 www.rnca.ca The Cycle of Violence Designed by Freepik The cycle of violence is a pattern or process that occurs in relationships where there is violence or abuse. In most cases, the perpetrator is an intimate partner. However, the cycle of violence can sometimes occur in relationships with family members, employers, peers and others. The phases are: 1. Honeymoon phase; 2. Tension building phase; and, 3. Explosion phase. At the beginning of the cycle of violence, during the honeymoon phase, the perpetrator is caring, loving and helpful, and there is the sense that all is well. This phase may also be known as the “hearts and flowers” period of the relationship. Eventually, however, conflict begins to build within the relationship. During the tension building phase, tension rises at an uneven rate. At this stage, one may feel as if they are walking on eggshells for fear of upsetting the other person in the relationship. The situation worsens until it finally results in the explosion phase where the perpetrator commits violence or abuse. This may be in the form of physical, sexual, emotional, psychological, spiritual or cultural violence as well as verbal or financial abuse or neglect. Following the explosion phase, the honeymoon or reconciliation phase begins again. The perpetrator may express remorse and apologize for what happened. They may promise that they will never commit violence in the relationship ever again. Despite the seemingly hopeful behaviour, however, the cycle of violence usually repeats itself. In some cases, the honeymoon phase completely disappears over time, and the cycle is reduced to no more than the tension buildup and explosion phases. www.gov.nl.ca
32 www.rnca.ca Toll Free: 1 (800) 728-2247 Local: (709) 722-3353 Email: info@aahp.ca 210 Main St. PO Box 10 Port Blandford, NL A0C 2G0 (709) 543-2637 320 Torbay Rd., St. John’s NL A1A 4E1 (709) 757-9406 MUSTANGSALLYS_FLAMINGSKILLET Robert E. Cannon P. O. Box 429, Bishop’s Falls, NL A0H 1C0 709-258-6662 709-293-3538 (Cell) 102 Kenmount Road, St. John’s, NL A1B 3R2 Tel: 709.722.9330 Toll Free: 1.866.512.5800 Fax: 709.722.9231 Email: info@ramadastjohns.com Online Reservations www.ramadastjohns.com Derrick Watton Barrister, Solicitor & Notary Murphy & Watton P.O. Box 815, 17 West Street Corner Brook, NL A2H 6H9 Telephone: (709) 634-3231 Fax: (709) 634-8889 Email: dwatton@monmar.nf.net Avalon Towing Service 30 St. Annes Cres., Paradise, NL A1L 1K1 (709) 576-4130
33 www.rnca.ca AreYou Missing the Signs of Gaslighting? Designed by Freepik By Stephanie Thurrott • Feb 19, 2025 Key Takeaways: 1. Recognizing Gaslighting Tactics: Gaslighting often involves subtle behaviors like distorting reality, shutting down communication or making victims question their memories and feelings. Over time, this can undermine a person's selfconfidence and perception of reality. 2. Manipulation in Everyday Interactions: Examples of gaslighting include minimizing concerns, feigning concern, denying promises and diverting conversations. These tactics serve to control, avoid accountability, and maintain a power imbalance in relationships. 3. Healthy Communication vs. Abuse: While some gaslighting behaviors may stem from poor communication skills, an unwillingness to change, manipulation or threats are clear signs of abuse. Open dialogue and a willingness to improve are essential for a healthy relationship. Gaslighting is a type of emotional and psychological abuse where an abuser convinces a survivor that abuse didn’t actually happen or wasn’t nearly as bad as they remember. Abusers use gaslighting to undermine and manipulate. They want survivors to feel unsure about their memories and to doubt their own instincts. If you do, they can continue to exert their power and control with less of a chance that you’ll protest, question their motives or think about leaving. But if the whole point of this insanityinducing tactic is to make you doubt yourself, how can you trust your instincts that you’re being gaslighted to begin with? On the following pages are a few scenarios. See if you can spot why they are examples of gaslighting. Keep in mind that abusive behavior and gaslighting aren’t necessarily the same. continued
34 www.rnca.ca The Carpenters Union is proud to support the RNCA’s Annual Crime Prevention Guide, focusing on “Family Violence”
35 www.rnca.ca AreYou Missing the Signs of Gaslighting? continued Maria and Carlos: Shutting Down Maria and Carlos have been married for several years. Carlos controls Maria's social life, dictating who she can spend time with and getting angry when she makes plans without him. Maria: I feel suffocated when you try to control who I see and what I do. I need to have some independence. Carlos: I don't understand what you mean. I just want what's best for you. Maria: It's not about you wanting the best for me. It's about you not respecting my need to have my own friends and activities. Carlos: Here we go again. You're always twisting things around. I'm not going to argue about this. Carlos gets up and walks out of the room. Why this is gaslighting: Carlos maintains control by refusing to take part in a meaningful discussion. By pretending not to understand and shutting down the conversation, Carlos doesn’t have to acknowledge his controlling behavior. Maria feels like her concerns are not valid. Sarah and Ben: False Concern as Manipulation Sarah and Ben are figuring out where to go for dinner. Sarah: Maybe we could go to that new Thai restaurant I’ve been wanting to try. Ben: Oh, I don't know. I'm not really in the mood for Thai. Wouldn’t you rather have pizza? I just don't want you to feel disappointed if you don't like that Thai place. Sarah: Oh, gosh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. We can totally get pizza. It was just a suggestion. I'm sorry. Why this is gaslighting: Ben is using fake concern for Sarah's happiness to manipulate her into changing her idea. When he acts like he is concerned, she questions her own desires and feels like she needs to apologize for them. Over time, Sarah may constantly secondguess herself. She may feel like her opinions and preferences don't matter and stop speaking up or making suggestions, even about small things. Alexandra and Christina: Distorting Reality Alexandra and Christina had a huge argument. The next day, they have this conversation. Alexandra: I was really upset last night when you were yelling at me and slamming doors. Christina: You're exaggerating. I wasn't yelling, and I only closed the door a bit firmly, if that. You're always making a big deal out of nothing. Why this is gaslighting: Christina is distorting Alexandra’s perception of reality and making her question her memories and feelings. Over time, Alexandra may doubt her judgment, and depend on Christina to define what’s “real.” continued
36 www.rnca.ca FREE Estimates Quality that lasts Kyle Hardiman (Project Manager) Renovations islandflooring@outlook.com Follow us on:
37 www.rnca.ca AreYou Missing the Signs of Gaslighting? continued Jakob and Daniel: Lying About True Events Jakob promised to clean their apartment before the weekend. It’s Saturday morning and he hasn’t done anything. Daniel: What’s going on? You said you would have the apartment clean by now. Jakob: I don't remember saying that I'd clean the apartment. You must be imagining things. Why this is gaslighting: Jakob is manipulating Daniel, so Daniel feels like he’s the wrong one. Over time, Daniel may become so confused and doubtful that he stops trusting his memories. Elena and Mateo: Refusing to Communicate Over the year that Elena and Mateo have been living together, Mateo has been taking over more control of Elena’s finances. He manages their money, gives her a small amount and criticizes the way she spends money. Elena: I’m not comfortable with how you’re handling our money. I want to have more say. Mateo: Speaking of money, did you see that new phone that just came out? We should totally get it. It has a bigger screen, more memory and a way better camera. Elena: This is important. Can we please go back to the money issue? Mateo: I have a really important meeting tomorrow, and I need to focus. Can we just drop it for now? Why this is gaslighting: Mateo's behavior is a form of financial abuse, and he keeps changing the subject each time Elena brings up his abusive tactics. By shutting down the conversation, he avoids having to address Elena’s concerns. She may feel that she can’t share her opinions about their finances. He is increasing the power imbalance. Leesa and Marc: Avoiding Accountability Leesa is upset because her partner, Marc, makes negative comments about her weight, her clothes and her hair. Leesa: It really hurts my feelings when you criticize my appearance. Could you please stop? Marc: I was just kidding around! Can't you take a joke? Marc turns up the volume on the TV. Why this is gaslighting: Marc is implying that Leesa’s feelings are not legitimate. She may start to question her own feelings and wonder if he is right about her not being able to take a joke. With this tactic, Mark avoids being accountable for his behavior and maintains control in the relationship. He may continue to gaslight and his abuse may get worse. continued
38 www.rnca.ca 16 Lintrose Place, Donovan’s Industrial Park Mount Pearl, NL A1N 5K2 Tel: 709-368-4300 Fax: 709-368-4301 info@cwoffshore.ca www.cwoffshore.ca
39 www.rnca.ca AreYou Missing the Signs of Gaslighting? continued Emily and David: Denying Reality David often interrupts Emily, dismisses her feelings or tells her she's "overreacting" to things. Emily: I feel like you don't listen to me when I'm talking. You cut me off or tell me I shouldn’t feel the way I do. It makes me feel like what I have to say isn’t important to you. David: What are you talking about? I always listen to you. I have no idea what you mean. Why this is gaslighting: By denying his behavior, David is making Emily doubt her memory and experiences. By pretending he never behaved this way, David avoids taking responsibility. Emily may feel like her concerns aren’t important, start to question her own perceptions and wonder if she's imagining things. There is a healthy way to argue and disagree as a couple. While gaslighting can be a sign of an abusive partner, it can also be a sign of a partner who hasn’t learned healthy communication styles. If you talk to your partner about how their gaslighting makes you feel, and your partner is open to change and shows change over time, it’s far less likely they’re abusive. Things Abusers Do When They’re Gaslighting • Convince you your memory isn’t the best • Accuse you of having no sense of humor • Make hurtful jokes or insensitive, harsh remarks • Answer, “That never happened, you’re imagining it” • Call you “ill,” “fragile,” “paranoid” or “weak” • Constantly forget the sequence of events that occurred • Ask, “Why would you get upset over something so dumb” • Say, “I didn’t say anything, you must be hearing things” • Claim you aren’t remembering things correctly • Tell you you’re overreacting • Dismiss your feelings and concerns as unimportant • Pretend they don’t understand what you said • Reply, “I don’t know what you’re talking about” • Shut you down when you try to confront their behavior • Avoid your concerns saying, “Let’s talk about that later” • Ask, “Why can’t you just get over it?” • Accuse you of being too emotional or sensitive • Downplay negative experiences saying it “wasn’t that bad” www.domesticshelters.org
40 www.rnca.ca 41-43 Confederation Dr., Corner Brook NL 709-634-8881 HOME OF ALL YOUR HONDA NEEDS: NEW, USED, PARTS & SERVICE Proud to support The Royal Newfoundland Constabulary Association Supplying ice, Discharging and other Services to the Fishing Industry Box 1099 Goulds, NL A1S 1H2 Bus: (709) 576-2249 Cell: (709) 682-6434 Res: (709) 745-7054 Fax: (709) 745-8054 Fermeuse: (709) 687-8818 - Eric Gerard Fennelly “Proud to support the RNCA” 238 Memorial Drive Clarenville, NL A0E 1J0 (709) 466-2622
41 www.rnca.ca Give clear, supportive, nonjudgmental messages: • “I believe you.” • “You are not alone.” • “You did not cause or deserve the violence.” • “Violence is a choice.” • “Violence is NEVER okay or justifiable.” • “Your safety is always the most important issue.” • “You are not to blame for the violent person’s behaviour.” • “You cannot change the other person’s behavior; only they can make the choice to stop being violent.” • “Apologies and promises will not end the violence.” • “Violence is not a loss of control; it is a means of control.” Help the person make a safety plan: • Talk with the person about planning for their safety. • Help them identify a wide range of choices for dealing with the violence. • Encourage and support them in making their own decisions. • Respect the decisions and choices that the person makes. Find out about the resources in your community: • Prepare a list of names and numbers of the emergency resources in your community so you can give it to a person if you think they are experiencing violence. • Please refer to pages 89 to 97 for resources Designed by Freepik Tips to Help Support Individuals ExperiencingViolence continued
42 www.rnca.ca ST. JOHN’S FIRE FIGHTERS ASSOCIATION INTERNATIONAL ASSOCIATION OF FIREFIGHTERS LOCAL 1075 ARE VERY PROUD TO SUPPORT THE RNCA The Newfoundland & Labrador Federation of Labour, representing union members & their families since 1936. We continue to advocate for decent, fair and safe work for all workers, and a just and equal society for all. • Assurance • Tax • Advisory Suite 202 120 Stavanger Drive St. John’s, NL A1A 5E8 Phone: (709) 726-8324 Fax: (709) 726-4525 www.harrisryan.com Chartered Professional Accountants Joy Davis Operations Manager Forteau, NL A0K 2P0 (709) 931-2443 Pharmacy: (709) 931-2440 Proud to support the RNCA’s efforts on Family Violence Awareness
43 www.rnca.ca Just as there are many ways to help support a victim of violence, there are also things that you should NOT say or do as they could increase risk to the victim’s safety, or be perceived as hurtful, blaming the victim, or minimizing the violence that has occurred. DO NOT… • …tell the person what to do. For example, when to leave or when not to leave. • …tell the person to go back to the situation or relationship if they have chosen to leave. • …tell the person to try a little harder or ignore the violence. • …tell the person to go to couples counselling with a violent partner to “work things out.” • …try to rescue the person by looking for quick or easy solutions. • …suggest you try to talk to the violent person to straighten things out. • …tell the person they should put up with the violence for the sake of family members or other people. • …tell the violent person what the victim has disclosed to you. www.gov.nl.ca Tips to Help Support Individuals ExperiencingViolence continued www.gov.nl.ca
44 www.rnca.ca Ph: (709) 229-6464 Toll Free: 1-888-229-6468 Website: www.oecollege.ca Offering: Heavy Equipment Operator 22-Week Program Mobile Crane Operator 25-Week Program Box 389, Holyrood, NL Fax: (709) 229-6469 Email: oec@oecollege.ca Proud Supporter of the RNCA Anglican Diocese of Western Newfoundland 25 Main Street Corner Brook, NL A2H 1C2 (709) 639-8712 dsown@nf.aibn.com Fusion Holdings Ltd. (Windy Heights Farm) Also trading as Sod Kings 374 Bauline Line Extension, Portugal Cove - St. Philips, NL A1M 2W1 (709) 895-8940 www.lbmcoc.ca Thank you to all R.N.C. Staff for their community support and efforts
45 www.rnca.ca In Newfoundland and Labrador it is everyone’s responsibility to report any information concerning child abuse and neglect. If you suspect that a child has been abused or neglected, or if a child tells you that she/he has been abused or neglected, it is the law to report it immediately. You must report suspected child abuse and neglect to your local Children, Seniors and Social Development office or to the local police. • If children disclose information about being abused or neglected, they are saying they trust you. Listen and believe! • Be a friend to a child. Show her or him by example that people can settle problems without violence. • Pay attention to the child who displays overly aggressive, withdrawn and submissive behaviors, or the child who is failing to thrive. These are often signs of abuse. • Involve children in community activities. Friendships can help them gain the security they may be missing in their families. Important messages for children to hear are: • Violence is not okay; no one deserves to be abused; • It’s not your fault. You are not to blame for the violence; • All feelings are okay. Feeling angry is okay, but it’s not okay to hurt others because you are angry; • You have the right to be safe and happy; and • It you are feeling sad or scared, tell someone. We don’t have to keep secrets that make us feel that way. To report child abuse call your local Children, Seniors and Social Development or contact your local police or call tollfree 18335522368. How to Help a Child ExperiencingViolence Designed by Freepik continued
46 www.rnca.ca Natika J. Hearn B.Sc., J.D. Mikhaela A. Hearn B.A., B.Ed., J.D. P.O. Box 129 450 Avalon Drive, Labrador City, NL Canada A2V 2K3 Tel: (709) 944-3666 Fax: (709) 944-5494 millerandhearn@millerandhearn.com Barristers & Solicitors Pentecostal Tabernacle PO Box 62 Port de Grave, NL A0A 3J0 A proud supporter of the RNCA Let us take care of all your Real Estate needs! Servicing Western Newfoundland for the past 60 years. Experience, knowledge and professional service. Years of helping people home! www.rlplistings.com 709-634-4444 Helping you is what we do! Proud to Support RNCA Burin Pharmacy Ltd Serving Burin Peninsula residents for more than 50 years! Complete Home Health Care Department Purchases, Rental Service P.O. BOX 519, BURIN, NL A0E 1G0 (709) 891-1111
47 www.rnca.ca How to Help a Child ExperiencingViolence continued Metro Region Daytime: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. (709) 7294612 Central East Region Daytime: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. • Botwood (709) 2574909 • Grand FallsWindsor (709) 2921210 • Lewisporte (709) 5352852 • Twillingate (709) 8841372 • Conne River (709) 2921210 • Gambo/Musgrave Harbour (709) 6745373 • Gander (709) 6511170 • Harbour Breton (709) 8853053 • St. Alban’s (709) 5383819 • Bay Roberts (709) 7865224 • Bonavista (709) 4681000 • Clarenville (709) 4665776 • Harbour Grace (709) 9456512 • Holyrood/New Harbour (709) 2291551 • Marystown (709) 2797900 • Placentia (709) 2270130 • Whitbourne (709) 7593340 Western Region Daytime: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. • Baie Verte (709) 5324766 • Corner Brook (709) 6372686 • Deer Lake (709) 6357841 • Port aux Basques (709) 6952120 • Roddickton (709) 4573303 • Springdale (709) 6734714 • St. Anthony (709) 4542448 • Stephenville (709) 6438601 Labrador Region Daytime: 8:30 a.m. – 4:30 p.m. • Cartwright (709) 9387413 • Forteau (709) 9313301 • Happy Valley Goose Bay (709) 8962494 • Hopedale (709) 9333389 • Makkovik (709) 9232129 • Nain (709) 9222858 • Natuashish (709) 4788861 • Rigolet (709) 9473519 • Sheshatshiu (709) 4978555 • Wabush (709) 2823951 After Hours telephone number for Happy ValleyGoose Bay and Sheshatshiu: (709) 8972000. All other Labrador communities listed above should contact their local police detachments. www.gov.nl.ca
48 www.rnca.ca Wabush, NL 709-282-5403 Sussex, NB 506-432-5960 Ormac@ormac.ca www.ormac.ca R E S T A U R A N T 14 Cromer Ave., Grand Falls-Windsor, NL A2A 1X2 (709) 489-3308 w w w. b r o o k c o n s t r u c t i o n . c a Brook Construction Inc. T: 709-634-9705 • F: 709-634-8063 P.O. Box 882 • 8 Gullage Ave, Corner Brook, NL A2H 6H6 Eastman Business And Tax Services Proud Sponsor of the RNCA Complete personal tax services with efiling. HST, T4 and WorkplaceNL preparation and filing. Commissioner for Oaths services. In your home appointments if needed. eastman.business.services@gmail.com (709) 730-4848 TERRY WHEY President BUS: (709) 896-5000 FAX: (709) 896-5191 P.O. BOX 1011, STATION C GOOSE BAY, LABRADOR A0P 1C0 EST. 1992 36 Foxtrap Access Road Conception Bay South Proud to support RNCA
49 www.rnca.ca It is difficult to see someone you care about hurt others. Violence is a choice, and ultimately, the abuser is the only person who can decide to change. However, there are things that you can do to encourage this change. As a friend or family member, your actions can make a difference. What Do I Need to Know? When friends and family remain silent or excuse violence, the abusive person is encouraged to continue the violence. It may be difficult to admit that your friend or family member is violent, but you may have the greatest ability to influence the abuser to change. It is not easy for abusers to admit that their violence is a choice or to accept responsibility for their behaviour. An abuser may benefit from having control over their partner and may turn to you to help justify the violence. Do not support the violence in any way. This does not mean you are turning against your friend or family member; you are simply helping them to have the healthy relationship that they deserve. What Can I Do? • Never tell an abuser anything their partner has told you. • Learn about intimate partner violence yourself so you can help your friend or family member recognize their violent behaviors. • Identify the violence when you see it. Remember to criticize the behaviour, not the person, or you will only succeed in making them defensive. • Educate the abuser about the different types of violence. Help them to realize the consequences of their behaviour. Offer your support if they choose to seek help. • Your friend or family member may try to blame the victim for the violence. Don’t support these feelings or help to justify the violence. Help them recognize that anger is an acceptable emotion, but hurting someone is not. How to Help SomeoneWho isViolent Designed by Freepik continued
RkJQdWJsaXNoZXIy MTM0NTk1OA==