51 www.rnca.ca • Help the abuser focus on the victim’s feelings and the serious harm the victim is experiencing because of the violence. • Be aware of minimizing, denying and shifting blame, and don’t support efforts to minimize the severity of the violent behavior. • Don’t ignore violence that you hear about or see. Your silence helps the abusive person to deny that their behaviour is wrong. • Stay in touch with your friend or family member about the violence. Be there to support the abuser to change in the long term. • Remind your friend or family member that change will create better, healthier relationships with all the people in their life. • Take time to acknowledge the abuser’s strengths. Putdowns only reinforce the insecurity that is often at the root of their behavior. • Be clear that violence is always a choice, and that it is preventable. Acknowledge that it takes courage to talk about violence and to seek help to change. Offer your support if they choose to seek help. • Convince the abuser that getting professional help is important and have a list of resources ready. • Help the abuser to accept responsibility for the violence. Violence does not happen because one is “provoked” or “drunk.” Violence is a choice, and is used to gain power over another person. • Don’t give up. Behavioural changes can take a long time. Set a positive example by building healthy, violencefree relationships in your own life! www.gov.nl.ca How to Help Someone Who isViolent continued
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