67 www.rnca.ca continued The impact of family violence on children continued If children do not see the violence take place, they will see the results – bruises, broken dishes or furniture, holes punched in walls – as well as hear the screams and sense the fear and tension in the home. When children grow up experiencing or witnessing violence, they react in various ways, depending on age and gender. Some studies show that preschool boys are at risk for developing behaviour problems and adolescent males who witness family violence are likely to use violence with their mothers during conflicts. Although it appears that boys exhibit more overall problems due to witnessing spousal abuse, girls tend to exhibit low selfesteem and insecurity in relationships. Internalizing Some children react to family violence by internalizing their feelings which is manifested by depression and anxiety. In young children, depression may take the form of sadness, poor appetite, chronic fatigue, withdrawal from friends and low selfesteem. Many older boys feel responsible for protecting their mother which causes anxiety problems. In extreme cases, a boy may feel such pressure that he sees only two options: suicide or homicide. Of the boys between ages 11 and 20 who commit murder, 63 per cent killed the man who was abusing their mother. Externalizing Aggressive, angry behaviour is a common reaction to witnessing family violence. Many young people use anger and aggressive behaviour to cope with their fear. Others use alcohol, drugs, sex, and food to numb their feelings. It is not uncommon for an older child to threaten or abuse younger siblings to get what they want. They have learned their lesson well from the abuser who uses violence to get what he wants. Sons may also become physically and verbally abusive toward their mother. If the husband is no longer living in the home, they may feel entitled to take his place as man of the house. Posttraumatic stress Children may relive violent episodes through dreams or by watching family violence on TV. These flashes of memory can result in periods of insecurity, fear and depression. Some children blame themselves for the behaviour of the abuser, and suffer undue guilt and shame. Others blame the victimized parent who didn’t protect them or do something to stop the violence. Longterm effects Boys who witness their father abuse their mother are more likely to repeat the pattern of abuse in their own homes because they learn that men have a right to beat women. This message is ingrained in boys at a young age so that it becomes a natural response to use force to "keep her in line." Girls grow up believing that disrespect is normal, and they may either tolerate it
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