76 www.rnca.ca If you’re living with abuse, it’s important to know that you’re not alone - help is available. Living with abuse is very hard. Kids and teens in abusive situations experience a great deal of stress every day. They may feel trapped or like there’s nowhere to turn. They may not know whom they can trust. If things have been rough at home for a long time, you may have become used to it. The abuse may feel almost normal — you accept it as just another part of your day. This can be a way of coping — if you accept the abuse as normal, it feels less upsetting. But deep down, you know that what’s happening isn’t righ These feelings are common for young people living with family abuse: • sadness • guilt • fear • anger • shame • confusion • hopelessness • helplessness • betrayal • rejection • worthlessness Negative ways to cope with abuse Not getting the love or care you deserve can change the way you think. Some young people try negative coping mechanisms, such as engaging in self-injury or drug and alcohol use. Although these may make you feel better in the moment, they can make you feel worse overall. Negative coping strategies mask your feelings without fixing the problem. Abuse is NOT your fault It’s important to understand that what’s happening at home is not your fault. Write that down and put it someplace where you’ll see it every day. Don’t blame yourself for what’s going on. Even if you’re told that the abuse is a “punishment” for something that you’ve done “wrong,” you don’t deserve it. No one deserves to be abused or neglected. Talk to someone You can’t control what happens in your family, but you can choose how you respond to it. The best way to take control is to talk to someone about it. It may feel impossible, especially if you’re worried that talking about it will make things worse, but here’s what you can do: Get help: you can’t overcome abuse by yourself. You need help to make things better. Talk about it: it’s important to tell a safe adult — someone who isn’t causing the abuse. You can also call Kids Help Phone to talk to a counsellor confidentially and anonymously (without telling us your name) or text a volunteer crisis responder confidentially. If you want us to, we can help you call the emergency services in your area or child protection services. Be prepared: the person you tell should take you seriously and want to help you right away. If they don’t want to get involved, you need to tell someone else. Don’t wait for things to get better on their own. Not ready to talk yet? Young people who live with abuse often feel conflicted and confused. They know that things aren’t right, but they don’t feel ready to tell someone what’s happening. continued Dealing with family abuse
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