POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA 159 By the time they get to her, she says, they're feeling anxious, demoralized and "bordering (on) or into depression." "That's not a surprise. . . . You take any human being - child or adult - and you subject them to a regular diet of belittlement and human cruelty, and you're going to see people start to look depressed." By the time some victims become teenagers or adults, suicide can seem to be an option, Woulff says. "We know that there are many examples of adolescents who have (committed suicide) - not attempts but really done it - who, when you look at their history, were . . . subjects of bullying. . . . At the very worst, bullying can result in suicidal despair and depression." Woulff says she's also seen many people, young and old, who've developed a distorted outlook on humanity because of what they suffered as children. "They learn not to trust," she says, and as a result they have problems forming or keeping relationships. "Instead of believing in the fundamental goodness of human beings, they develop a belief that supports a view of humanity as not to be trusted and as profoundly cruel." The Nova Scotia boy's mother says her son has already become less trusting and is "having a problem making new friends." "He's feeling kind of worried about getting rejected." The earlier rebuff, along with the name-calling, has hurt her child even more than the punches or kicks, she says. "It's probably the most devastating thing that happens," she says. "You're isolated, ostracized by a group." Over the years, depending on the school's administration, some bullies have been suspended for physical fighting. But she says ostracism and verbal taunts haven't been taken as seriously, despite the emotional wounds they inflict. The words are harder for teachers or school officials to catch, says Seddon, noting that the average verbal attack lasts only 37 seconds. "If you think about a class full of 30 students on a playground, those kinds of things can be delivered so quickly and have such an impact." She says it's her belief that verbal bullying may be the most prevalent line of attack. "It runs the gamut," she says. "If somebody is being targeted and they wear glasses (it's) four-eyes; (then there's) loser; gay, fag - (there's) that whole area of sexual bullying; (or) fat, ugly, stupid." The Nova Scotia boy talks freely about all the physical fights but keeps the hurtful words to himself. When his mother starts to talk about one incident, he stops her cold. "I told you," he says, "to never tell anyone else that." "That obviously really hurt you," she replies quietly. Months later, she says her family has been "surviving" the name-calling and peer ostracism her son continues to face. She's proud of the way he's handled the pressure, but it hasn't been easy. Lately, she's kept the boy home from some school social activities because of his fears about not fitting in. Before Christmas he stayed home for another reason - a boy pushed and kicked him. The bully got a three-day suspension for his actions; the boy, one day at home for pushing back. Now he and his family are just hoping next year will be better. His parents have decided to go ahead with an idea they were mulling over in September. Next year, they'll send him to a private school, hoping that will be the salve their son needs to heal. Perhaps there, they say, he'll form the kind of close school friendships that have continued to elude him since his buddies moved away. While the boy has started to make some friends through activities outside school, "the friendship thing goes through his head all the time," his mother says. "It's like, 'I just used to have such fun with my friends a couple of years ago and now I don't have any friends to hang out with.' " He raised the same issue in September, wondering whether moving to a new school might make things worse. "I only have a couple of friends to hang on to, and I don't want to lose them, too," he said then. "That's pretty much what worries me - that I won't ever have any more friends." "Atlantic Canada's largest newspaper" As originally published on www.herald.ns.ca
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