POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA 113 sending both by word and by action. Parents’ anxiety over teen behaviour can convey and attitude of annoyance and distrust. Teens are particularly sensitive to the latter” the accusation that “You just don’t understand!” Constant negative message from parents can lead to hostility, indifference and withdrawal in teenagers. To be helpful, direct criticism at the event or behaviour, not at your teen’s personality. Try not to dwell on the negative by look for positive ways to solve a problem. “This isn’t working –– let’s find a better way!” Catch them doing something right. During the time of shaky identity, teens need parents’ help to build their sense of self-worth and self-confidence. They need parents to support their efforts and cheer their achievements. When they are struggling, they need their parents’ faith in them and their parents' encouragement. Although teens do not want their parents hovering over them, they do want their parents to be available. Your faith in them can have a powerful positive impact. Set clear expectations. Although teens may complain about rules and limits, they need the security of knowing what is acceptable and unacceptable to their parents. Much conflict can be avoided when parents are clear and firm about what they expect. When parents set guidelines, they should try to think ahead and foresee the kinds of situations involving their teens that are likely to arise. The parents will then be better prepared to take the right stand when the time comes. It’s best to know in advance whether or not you are willing to compromise. Show them you love them. Adolescents are hard on themselves and on their parents. At times their behaviour makes them hard to like. And of course, teens go through phases when they don’t like their parents very much either. ; Nevertheless it is important to show affection even in difficult circumstances. Teens do not want to be kissed or hugged by their parents in public but they can still exchange kisses before bedtime and before leaving the house. Teens need to hear from their parents that they are loved unconditionally for themselves and that their parents will stand by them no matter what. Where to Turn for Help Every parent feels overwhelmed from time to time. If you feel your family life is continually in turmoil or if you always worried about your teens, you can reach out to other parents for ideas and support. You can look for family life education groups. There is also a great deal of family life education material available in audio, video and printed form. Similar material for people of different cultural backgrounds is beginning to become available. You can also ask your school, doctor or clergy for names of agencies where you can get professional counselling and parenting advice.
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