POLICE ASSOCIATION OF NOVA SCOTIA 109 the voice deepens and facial hair begins to appear. The ejaculation of semen in “wet dreams” may begin anytime from age eleven to age fifteen. Growing Pains In any culture, teens have a natural need to establish their own identity. Adolescents must progress from childhood dependency to adult independence –– from being subject to the authority and control of parents to exercising personal autonomy and self-control. Separating from parents and establishing one’s individuality is a normal and necessary step in personal development. Separating is stressful because it involves leaving behind a relatively stable way of being and accepting a new self-image. For parents this usually means dealing with some tension in the home as teens ask themselves “Who am I” “What will I become?” and “How will I get along with others?” Teens often look for the answers to these questions by challenging authority and testing rules. Parents can help by encouraging their teens to assume increasing responsibility for their choices and actions, while continuing to provide appropriate supervision and guidance. No matter how many times teen cry “ You are treating me like a baby!”, they still need a structure of expectations, routines and values for their safety and well-being. Teens also have to cope with physical growth –– and change. Teens are usually very anxious and sensitive about their physical appearance. They worry tremendously about their height, weight, skin and hair. They are quick to find fault with themselves, although most of these “defects” are largely exaggerated by them. Acne can be a real plague for many teenagers. It is important that parents offer not only reassurance but also practical help with physical problems, for example, by getting medical attention for their teens when it’s needed. Parents can also help teens accept themselves by encouraging them to find activities and interests that will enrich their lives and that don’t require a perfect body. Learning how to relate to others is an important task for teens, which is why the opinion of friends often appears to rival parents’ influence at this time. In separating from parents, teens are looking for acceptance from others, and a context in which to practice social skills. We tend to think of peer pressure as negative but in fact much of it is positive. Teens help keep each other on the right track. Parents can help by encouraging teens to bring their friends home. Making you home a welcoming place is good for your teen’s self-esteem. As sexual feelings surface, teenagers also need to learn how to relate to the opposite sex. Teens need information about sex but parents are usually uncomfortable about discussing this subject with their children. Research indicates that parents’ attitudes have a major impact on teens’ sexual behaviour. Media items can give parents many opportunities to discuss their values in this area. There is also a lot of informative literature about sexuality that parents can share with teens. Coping with various profound changes in personality, intellect and social status can throw teens off balance. As they adjust, teenagers may have behave in ways that can be disconcerting to unprepared parents. How the parents respond to this behaviour depends a lot on how they interpret it. Parents who are expecting trouble and take their teens’ actions at face value may well unwittingly encourage the conflict they fear. By learning about adolescence and the challenges that lie ahead, parents can minimize conflict and promote psychological growth in their children. Why are Teenagers So... Difficult? Teenagers seem to do the most outrageous things, but it is all part of growing up. Some so-called negative behaviour is considered normal for teenagers as their ideas about the world develop. Rebelliousness –– In many ways teens tell parents “I am not you, I am me –– and here is how I’ll show you!” Outlandish hair styles and clothing, messy rooms, listening to loud and “vulgar” music, or sleeping late are some common ways teens assert their individuality. You can choose to see this kind of behaviour as defiance of authority –– or as a display of integrity. It is important for parents to remember that in rebelling, teens are fulfilling an important psychological need. Annoying as some of their tastes and habits might be, it helps to realize that things could be a lot worse! Parents can cope by gritting their teeth and tolerating some of this behaviour for the sake of their teens’ development. Save your concern for truly destructive behaviour. Mood swings –– Teens can change from day to day or even from moment to moment, from bright cheerfulness to sullen withdrawal, over seemingly minor issues or for no apparent reason at all. Moodiness is often related to hormonal changes. These continued...
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